Do you feel like you’re comparing yourself to others or your past self all the time?
I am writing this post because one of my readers requested I explore the topic of comparison + I think it can help so many women out there!
Comparing is actually super important because it tells us what we want in life! When we are jealous of others in some way, it shows us what we truly desire.
But, there are definitely major downfalls when it comes to comparing if you’re not in that state of mind.
So, today I am going to go over:
- Why you need to stop comparing yourself to others
- Why you need to stop comparing yourself to the old you
- The only comparison you need to make every day to be happier
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
DON’T FEEL BAD… IT’S IN OUR DNA
The relief is knowing it’s not your fault or society’s fault that you’re constantly going down the comparison hole. It’s totally normal + actually part of your DNA! From the beginning of time, man has been programmed to compare in order to survive.
Long ago when there were cavemen, they had to work hard to try to understand how to navigate other’s thoughts + perceive their future actions in order to simple survive in the pack. Even though it’s a long time past then, we still are products of our ancestors.
YOU DON’T EVER KNOW THE WHOLE STORY
This one definitely applies to social media, but also to people that are close to us in our lives. You absolutely never know everything about a person. Think about it, you don’t show yourself 100% to almost anyone! Maybe a spouse, but that’s it!
You only truly see people’s highlight reels or what they want you to know about them. Everyone has their own demons + obstacles to work through every day. Many times, it’s too painful or embarrassing to talk about them. It’s important to remember that the happiest face doesn’t always mean the happiest life.
Overall, we make up stories about people based on what they let us see. It doesn’t mean feel pity for everyone. But, know that their life isn’t perfect! You might want aspects of their life. But, you don’t know everything going on behind the scenes [especially how they feel mentally].
- Related: HOW TO STOP PEOPLE PLEASING
EVERYONE IS ON THEIR OWN JOURNEY
Jealous of someones body, career, relationship, material items, lifestyle? It’s good to remember that everyone is on their own journey in life. You don’t really know what chapter they’re on in their book + how much sacrificing it took to get where they are.
It’s good to notice this jealousy, though, because it shows you want in life. But, unless you put in all the hard work that the person you’re comparing yourself did [do you even know what they weren’t through… really?] you have to let go of being down on yourself for not being where they are in life.
3 TIPS TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
1. HAVE AN ABUNDANCE MINDSET: This means truly believing that there is enough [success, love, happiness, money, friends, etc] for everyone in the world. Just because someone else has doesn’t always mean you will forever be without.
2. PRACTICE LOTS OF GRATITUDE: Start pausing more throughout your day to realize the beautiful things around you to be grateful for, big + small. You can do this mentally, out loud, or write it down in a journal. It’s a practice! So, the more you practice gratitude the happier you’ll be with the life you have.
3. SET GOALS + TAKE ACTION IMMEDIATELY: Start worrying more about yourself + leave other people out of the equation. Get super clear on what you want you life to look like. Set measurable goals + take immediate action in that direction. Comparison to others just wastes time + holds you back from doing.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO THE OLD YOU
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
When I chat about the old you, I am taking about who you were 1 or more years ago. Whether you look back on a time you were: more fit, had a better job, had more friends, had less conflicts, had more money, were in a relationship… whatever it is!
We all do it + for different reasons. Many of us don’t realize we are comparing ourselves to our past self. But, it’s a quick way to fall down the rabbit hole of feeling less than. It almost never inspires us to be happier or gives us more confidence.
You need to be super aware of those moments + catch your thoughts as they’re starting to come in. But, don’t be afraid to take some time to think about, journal, or talk to someone about the past self you keep going back to.
2 COMMON WAYS WE SELF-COMPARE
SUCCESSFUL/IDEAL TIMES IN YOUR PAST: Ever look back on the past + think about how [fit, wealthy, liked, etc] you were at one point? You wonder why you stopped [fill in the blank] or how you’re no longer [fill in the blank] like you used to be?
OTHER PEOPLE’S FAVORITE VERSION OF YOU: Ever have a friend say to you, “omg I remember when you used to be so ________. You’re not like that anymore!” They may not say it in a mean way, but you know it stings you + gives off a negative vibe.
HOW TO WORK PAST THESE COMPARISON FEELINGS
One way to work past these negative thoughts is to reflect on how you were at that time + be as honest as you can. Ask yourself things like: Were you even happy? Did the success come with a lot of sacrifice? Were you praying then for some of the things you have now?
You can never have it all. So, yes you may wish that your life still included things from the past. But, you have grown so much since then! Would you really want to give up all the growth you’ve had in your life [mindset, career, friendships, family, experiences, memories] to be back there? Probably not.
Also, it’s important to realize that you can bring aspects of your past self back, if you want. For example:
- You miss being fit?—start working out + eating more nutritiously.
- You want to have more free time?—prioritize + outsource tasks if you can to free up time.
- You want to be happy like you were before?—pinpoint what specific activities made you happy + incorporate them into your life!
Sometimes you’re jealous of your past self because the universe is trying point you to your desires! Add some of those [healthy/happy/positive] things back into your daily habits.
Now that we’ve explored the reasons you need to stop comparing yourself to others + your old self… let’s chat about the ONE comparison you actually should be making every day!
THE ONLY COMPARISON YOU NEED TO MAKE
COMPARE YOURSELF TO THE PERSON YOU WERE YESTERDAY!
If you want to live a happy overall life, this is the only comparison you should be consciously making every day. Just focus on comparing yourself to who you were the day before. We should be our own competition.
Not the person we were 1, 5, or 10+ years ago. We are definitely not that person anymore. Over that lengthly time period, so much growth is made that comparing is unfair + unrealistic.
FOCUS ON YOUR WINS
Each day you wake up, take a moment to either think about or journal about the day before + focus on the good. Start your day with a positive mindset!
- What things went RIGHT?
- Who did you help?
- What positive interactions did you have?
- What healthy choices did you make?
After you gather a few positive wins for the person you were yesterday, decide which ones you want to carry into the current day you have ahead. What feeling do you want to replicate? Focus on goals you have for yourself + positive habits you can start to form.
- Related: JOURNALING FOR BEGINNERS
DECIDE WHERE YOU CAN SHIFT
While I believe it’s most important to focus on all the good, it’s also beneficial to identify where you weren’t being your best self. This could be…
- a workout you skipped
- a poor diet that day
- nagging your spouse
- yelling at your kids
- overthinking a conversation
- judging another person
Everyone has their own downfalls for each day. If you’re aware of these, you can be more conscious when setting intentions for the day. Decide how you want to feel + how you can shift those negative behaviors/thoughts to create the feeling or results you want.
YOUR STORY IS THE ONLY ONE YOU REALLY KNOW
Remember when we chatted above about how you never really know what someone’s entire story is? Comparison isn’t worth it because you don’t have all the facts.
But, with yourself… you do! That’s why you should only compare yourself to the most recent version of yourself. That’s the key to growth + up-leveling your life just a bit each day to become the highest version of yourself!